Forthetimes

It was great to watch the Oscars last night and see both Jennifer Hudson and Forest Whitaker win. Not only where their wins great for African-Americans but their wins symbolize the America dream in many ways. Jennifer’s win highlights the fact that sometimes failures are the greatest opportunities so long as you’re willing to learn from them. Jennifer didn’t win the American Idol contest and many believe was booted off prematurely. However, Jennifer didn’t let this setback deter her and undermine her confidence in herself. She continued to explore her options and took the role in Dreamgirls. Now she has won an Oscar for best supporting actress over actresses who have been in this business for years. So even though she lost the battle: the American Idol contest, she definitely won the war and truly is an idol for millions of people around the world.

Similarly, Forest Whitaker’s win demonstrates true determination and commitment to a craft. Here’s a man who has been acting for years and has barely been noticed by anyone outside of black Hollywood (We’ve always know our actors and actresses are great years ahead of mainstream Hollywood).  But he kept perfecting his craft and finally it’s paid off in the Oscar win!

I say congratulations to both of them. They truly represent the epitome of the American Dream and the rules of the universe about hard work, perserverance and belief in self.

Happy New Year!

I can’t believe 2006 passed by so quickly. I felt like there were so many things I wanted to accomplish last year that I simply didn’t get around to. Thank God there’s the start of a whole new year, and I have 300 plus days to get it moving! I say this because usually the new year is the sign of new beginnings, but for some it’s a reminder of all the things you didn’t accomplish last year.

For those individuals, I would like to say instead of being sad about all that you didn’t accomplish this year, look at the fact that you have an entirely new year to get it done this year. Life is not a dress rehearsal so you can’t just say you want to do it you have to take action. Make this year about action and just do it. If you haven’t started moving ask yourself the following:

1. What is it that I want to accomplish this year? Do you want to be a better parent, a better spouse, lose weight, get out of debt or have more of a career? Whatever it is, think of 3-5 things and write it down. 

2. Under each goal, write how you plan to go about accomplishing these goals. The devil is really in the details here. Start from where you want to end up and work back. Have specific, measurable goals that you can accomplish weekly and monthly that will lead you to the end result. The more specific and measurable the goals the more likely you are able to achieve it.

3. Seek accountability. Have a goal partner. Find someone who will hold you accountable for the goals you said you would accomplish on a monthly or weekly basis in furtherance of your goal. The goal partner and you meet monthly and you set goals and then the next month you meet to see if those goals were accomplished. But remember, your goal partner is only there as your source of accountability. They can’t do it for you. This is up to you. After all, this is your life, your year so get moving!

If you have other tips for achieving goals, please post them here!

WOW! What an election night. It was one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. While it’s not known as of this morning if the Democrats will gain control over the Senate, it is known that they have taken control of the House. This in and of itself is amazing. But beyond this, I though there were other interesting races that probably speak louder to where the state of America is going and about the true feelings of our politicians.

In Michigan, which is generally a liberal state, residents voted in favor of a ban on Affirmative Action. I can’t really say I’m surprised. Michigan’s economy is in the dumps and when economic times are bad, believe me, people look to blame others for why they are without jobs and promotions. What disturbed me most is the comments I saw on the news and in the papers from people who voted for the proposal. Many of them said I was denied a job or a promotion because of Affirmative Action.  All I could think about was how arrogant. Last time I checked, employers don’t usually tell people you were denied a job or promotion because of Affirmative Action so people just assumed that if a member of a minority group or a woman got the job or promotion over them then it had to be because of Affirmative Action. No way could the person have better qualifications than me. This, more than anything, offends me as both an African-American and a woman and speaks to the inherent feelings some people have about minority groups and women, and in my opinion, provides the perfect example of why such programs are needed.

A second race that I thought was interesting was the Joe Lieberman race. I didn’t find this interesting because he lost the Democratic race and went on to win by running as an independent. I have always admired Joe Lieberman and thought he was a guy who looked out for the people. His race showed me that he is like many people in Washington, a politician. He lost his party’s primary. He blatantly ignored the people he professed to represent, cared more about his own political ambitions and aspirations, and said forget that you didn’t see me as your candidate anymore. You’re wrong, I’m right and I’m going to run again as an independent and take a second bit at the apple.

I thought he could have learned a lesson from former Attorney General John Ashcroft when he lost to Jean Carnahan, who ran against him after her husband, then Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan, died in a plane crash a few weeks before the election and won. Rather than cry or moan, Mr. Ashcroft said I could challenge (and he did have grounds!) but the people have spoken and no amount of challenge will change their wishes. They didn’t want me in this seat anymore. Although I’ve never agreed with John Ashcroft on anything, the fact that he recognized the people are the source of power made me think of him a bit differently. Senator Lieberman didn’t take the high road or respect the people’s wishes to me. This race gave me further insight into Joe Lieberman’s character and it’s something I don’t think Americans should forget anytime soon.

Last week in Detroit, I was surprised by all the efforts by school districts to make sure students were present and counted on Count Day. Count Day is the day that determines how much state funding schools will receive based on the number of students attending the school. So naturally the more students in attendance, the more money the school gets. Schools offered students everything from the chance to win a trip to Disney World and a plasma screen television to i-pods, pizza parties and everything in between.

Since I’m not from Michigan I was shocked to see this type of behavior. Since when do schools start incentivizing or bribing students to come to school. Back when I was growing up, you either showed up or ELSE! But I guess it’s a new day. One where our administrators and teachers feel incentives are the only option. My real sadness, however, stems not from the incentives that are offered to the children to attend school on Count Day, but what I perceive as the lack of effort to get them to school in the week since the first official day of Count Day. I don’t see any administrators or teachers on television or school districts running television ads to encourage kids to get to school at all this week. No wonder many of our kids think our schools don’t carry about them but only about the money. It’s hard to disagree with them in light of what I’ve seen over the last two weeks. Our school systems need to do more to show students that an education is important and school attendance is not dependent on whether they receive a reward or not. So I ask the teachers and administrators who are interested in making sure kids get to school everyday to stand up and be COUNTED!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted but believe me when I say I’ve been busy!!!! Even so, I felt compelled to write this blog today because of my inherent belief in the power of thoughts. I’ve been doing lots of speaking engagements lately and it seems a good deal of the people I’ve met are experiencing some type of challenge in their life whether it be the fear of losing a job or the struggles of dealing with a child. Many of the people I’ve met seem trapped in the moment and unable to move beyond the challenge. While I’ know it’s a bit cliche, the most important thing I can offer or advise is to find the positiveness or the lesson in the challenge. A challenge is only painful, stressful or any of those things because there’s a lesson we’re suppose to learn. So here’s my advice to anyone enduring a challenge or a struggle:

1. Ask yourself what’s the lesson you’re suppose to learn. Be ready, willing and open to accept the lesson.

2. Pray to God for guidance. I know a lot of times we look to the natural world to resolve our problems, but the power of God is so awesome and overwhelming and he can give you resolution and provide you clarity and guidance that you can’t find by looking in the natural world.

3. Change your thoughts. The power of belief is so awesome. You really do manifest in your physical world what you’re thinking about. So if you’re thinking life is tough, this manifests itself in your physical world. So try changing your perspective. See the challenge not as an obstacle but as learning experience.

In the end, remember God gives you no more than you can handle and through him all things are possible and can be conquered. 

I recently read an article in Oprah’s O Magazine about her friendship with Gayle King. In the article, they reiterate that they aren’t lesbians but understand how people could think that because they have such a great bond that society has never seen anything like it. As such, society seeks to classify their bond in the only way society can explain such closeness: they must be lesbians. Gayle and Oprah go on to say that the essence of their friendship is that they are equals. Not necessarily financial equals but equals in terms of their respect for each other.

The article got me to thinking about the value of friendship, particularly this week. For some reason, this week, everyone I talked to in one form or another seemed to be questioning their friendships and the value of the friends in their lives. As I listened over and over to the various conversations throughout the week, I realized much of it could be summed up in that one person in the friendship was feeling disrespected and not valued.

Here’s the bottom line. We don’t always agree with our friends. On some occasions, our friends can be a handful. They may do things we wouldn’t do, or that we don’t like but at the heart of the difficulties are these things:

1. Stop placing unrealistic demands on our friends. We live in a hectic world. People are super busy. If you call a friend and they don’t immediately return your call or take a few days or weeks to return your call, relax. It’s ok. This is not a reflection on the value of the friendship. It is simply that the person is busy. Now if it goes on for an extended period of time and you keep reaching out but don’t see the same effort then you can surmise this person doesn’t value the friendship. But we shouldn’t immediately end friendships because they don’t return our calls as promptly as we like.  

2. Accept your friends for who they are. Stop trying to make your friends like you. People are unique. They come into your life with their own experiences, background and biases! This is ok. There may be things they do that you wouldn’t and things you do that they wouldn’t. This is what makes people unique. We are different. Don’t judge or ask them to live their life in the way you would live yours.

3. Respect. Treat your friends as your equals. Respect them as unique individuals. Love them for who they simply are: flaws and all.

Believe me, we can make our lives a lot easier by simply finding the value in the person and not trying to make them meet our needs.

Many people seemed shocked that Warren Buffet gave a good deal of his billion dollar fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation rather than leaving it to his kids. I must admit I was a bit surprised myself until I heard his rationale. He basically stated he left his kids enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing and that kids shouldn’t have a free pass merely by the fact they came out of a certain womb!  He says this isn’t good for the kid nor is it good for society.

I say hear ye! Hear ye! Everyone could understand a poor person saying that but a rich person saying it: unbelieveable. Either way, I think Warren Buffett should be commended. It’s an amazing thing to go against the status quo and do the unexpected. But then afterall, Mr. Buffett has always done this and I guess this is why he’s been so successful. Either way, I agree with him. Now while I don’t know about his kids, I do agree this is a good thing for society.

Welcome to my blog Forthetimes! My blog will focus on major issues affecting the African-American community in specific, and the world in general. I have lots of ideas about issues I would like to write about, but if you have any you would like to see discussed please feel free to let me know. My first blog will appear on Monday, May 22, 2006. Stay tuned.