Forthetimes

I recently read an article in Oprah’s O Magazine about her friendship with Gayle King. In the article, they reiterate that they aren’t lesbians but understand how people could think that because they have such a great bond that society has never seen anything like it. As such, society seeks to classify their bond in the only way society can explain such closeness: they must be lesbians. Gayle and Oprah go on to say that the essence of their friendship is that they are equals. Not necessarily financial equals but equals in terms of their respect for each other.

The article got me to thinking about the value of friendship, particularly this week. For some reason, this week, everyone I talked to in one form or another seemed to be questioning their friendships and the value of the friends in their lives. As I listened over and over to the various conversations throughout the week, I realized much of it could be summed up in that one person in the friendship was feeling disrespected and not valued.

Here’s the bottom line. We don’t always agree with our friends. On some occasions, our friends can be a handful. They may do things we wouldn’t do, or that we don’t like but at the heart of the difficulties are these things:

1. Stop placing unrealistic demands on our friends. We live in a hectic world. People are super busy. If you call a friend and they don’t immediately return your call or take a few days or weeks to return your call, relax. It’s ok. This is not a reflection on the value of the friendship. It is simply that the person is busy. Now if it goes on for an extended period of time and you keep reaching out but don’t see the same effort then you can surmise this person doesn’t value the friendship. But we shouldn’t immediately end friendships because they don’t return our calls as promptly as we like.  

2. Accept your friends for who they are. Stop trying to make your friends like you. People are unique. They come into your life with their own experiences, background and biases! This is ok. There may be things they do that you wouldn’t and things you do that they wouldn’t. This is what makes people unique. We are different. Don’t judge or ask them to live their life in the way you would live yours.

3. Respect. Treat your friends as your equals. Respect them as unique individuals. Love them for who they simply are: flaws and all.

Believe me, we can make our lives a lot easier by simply finding the value in the person and not trying to make them meet our needs.

Many people seemed shocked that Warren Buffet gave a good deal of his billion dollar fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation rather than leaving it to his kids. I must admit I was a bit surprised myself until I heard his rationale. He basically stated he left his kids enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing and that kids shouldn’t have a free pass merely by the fact they came out of a certain womb!  He says this isn’t good for the kid nor is it good for society.

I say hear ye! Hear ye! Everyone could understand a poor person saying that but a rich person saying it: unbelieveable. Either way, I think Warren Buffett should be commended. It’s an amazing thing to go against the status quo and do the unexpected. But then afterall, Mr. Buffett has always done this and I guess this is why he’s been so successful. Either way, I agree with him. Now while I don’t know about his kids, I do agree this is a good thing for society.